reality check

Today i was feeling pretty bad about myself. it was just one of those mornings, you know? like i've failed at life.  i haven't, and i know that. but i can't help how i feel. insecurity can creep up like a lion stalking it's prey, and attack when you least expect it.

I gave myself a good scolding, however. i know that my life is great. i can count my blessings, i can find the little things in life that are good. i just decided to NOT go that route this morning.

The day did get better. it ended on a relaxed and happy note, and i was able to head to bed at 10, and i had yummy chinese for dinner, and all felt right with the world. but instead of heading to bed, i decided to read proverbs 31. i thought, whats a little uplifting girl talk from God going to hurt! and i read it really quickly, and just as i was about to shut my bible and head upstairs, my eyes fell on the previous page.

"Two things I request of You

(Deprive me not before I die):

Remove falsehood and lies far from me;

Give me neither poverty nor riches--

Feed me with the food allotted to me;

Lest I be full and deny You,

And say, 'Who is the Lord?'

Or lest I be poor and steal,

And profane the name of my God."

Proverbs 30:7-9

Give me neither poverty nor riches. i've been feeling poor,  in spirit. i haven't been trusting. yet, i don't want riches either, so that i can rely on myself and not need Him. 

I guess there is absolutely nothing wrong with an uneventful life:) i know that i am special, and i am loved, and that there is a plan for me. i know that i am living some chapter of that plan right now, and i am going to dwell in the contentment of that.