yeah, you read the name of this post right:)
i'm spending the day with my mom. we were sitting on her balcony, drinking steaming hot coffee, looking out over the peaceful valley of color bursts and falling leaves. we were talking of healing, and exercising. me, being the promoter that i can be, mentioned that she NEEDS to try zumba. it's fun, you laugh your butt off, and you feel ridiculous. plus, it's an amazing workout. so we went right to the tv to see if was on demand.
we didn't find zumba (although there are striptease classes???). however, there was something called cardioke. i don't know if any of you have done it or not. but, needless to say, we were intrigued and turned it on.
my mom stood there. i was snuggled up on the couch with her dog. neither of us moved. we did watch the entire thing though. don't you judge! i was all dressed to go shopping:):):) haha
point of the story being....after some crazing dancing/attempting to sing to the pussycat dolls and the black eyed peas, they did the cool down. the wife of billy blanks, jr wrote an inspirational song and sang it while everyone did cool down moves. it's called "you are enough" and i'm sad to say, as i watched (yes watched) the entire workout, i ended with tears in my eyes. because it doesn't matter what our lives are like in this current state. we are enough, and we are exactly where we need to be.
well, i'm exhausted after that tough workout! i'm gonna take a nap, and sneak a piece of my dad's chocolate cake with peanut butter icing:)
10.27.2010
10.24.2010
reality check
Today i was feeling pretty bad about myself. it was just one of those mornings, you know? like i've failed at life. i haven't, and i know that. but i can't help how i feel. insecurity can creep up like a lion stalking it's prey, and attack when you least expect it.
I gave myself a good scolding, however. i know that my life is great. i can count my blessings, i can find the little things in life that are good. i just decided to NOT go that route this morning.
The day did get better. it ended on a relaxed and happy note, and i was able to head to bed at 10, and i had yummy chinese for dinner, and all felt right with the world. but instead of heading to bed, i decided to read proverbs 31. i thought, whats a little uplifting girl talk from God going to hurt! and i read it really quickly, and just as i was about to shut my bible and head upstairs, my eyes fell on the previous page.
I gave myself a good scolding, however. i know that my life is great. i can count my blessings, i can find the little things in life that are good. i just decided to NOT go that route this morning.
The day did get better. it ended on a relaxed and happy note, and i was able to head to bed at 10, and i had yummy chinese for dinner, and all felt right with the world. but instead of heading to bed, i decided to read proverbs 31. i thought, whats a little uplifting girl talk from God going to hurt! and i read it really quickly, and just as i was about to shut my bible and head upstairs, my eyes fell on the previous page.
"Two things I request of You
(Deprive me not before I die):
Remove falsehood and lies far from me;
Give me neither poverty nor riches--
Feed me with the food allotted to me;
Lest I be full and deny You,
And say, 'Who is the Lord?'
Or lest I be poor and steal,
And profane the name of my God."
Proverbs 30:7-9
Give me neither poverty nor riches. i've been feeling poor, in spirit. i haven't been trusting. yet, i don't want riches either, so that i can rely on myself and not need Him.
I guess there is absolutely nothing wrong with an uneventful life:) i know that i am special, and i am loved, and that there is a plan for me. i know that i am living some chapter of that plan right now, and i am going to dwell in the contentment of that.
10.17.2010
link to a great post
in the midst of a weekend, week, even month of struggling with my purpose....
i stumbled upon this blog post.
it gave me peace.
it should get me through the week.
so that i can relax at the end; be nourished, and fed, and healed.
God bless Brother Lawrence. I have a new hero!
i stumbled upon this blog post.
it gave me peace.
it should get me through the week.
so that i can relax at the end; be nourished, and fed, and healed.
God bless Brother Lawrence. I have a new hero!
10.15.2010
this thing called life
i've decided to take a new approach to living. you see, i'm the kind of person who needs goals to accomplish. only then am i productive, and busy, and happy in general. not that i'm necessarily "type A".....i'm only psychotic with myself. i don't care what other people do. most of the time:)
2010 was huge for me. i got two unusual stamps on my passport (haiti, south africa). i lived near the poorest of the poor, and learned how blessed i am, and learned how incredibly selfish i am. i graduated college, finally! i ran (sucessfully) a half-marathon, even though i don't consider myself i runner whatsoever. although maybe now i am:)
but now i feel a little let down. there are no more things for me to do or accomplish. there is no moving up in my career, and i am mostly happy where i am vocationally. the only thing that would make me happier would be cooking instead of doing surgery all day. but basically, i have no more big goals! it's the first time in my life that i've been in the particular spot. maybe it's because i'm (nearly) getting close to 30, and i'm finally good with who i am and where i am in life.
so back to the new approach. i'm going to create little goals to work on continuously. to better myself and improve my outlook on life. to make me a better wife, friend, sister, and daughter.
TAKE 1
1. cook, at least once a week, something delicious, and healthy, and new
2. spend more time eating with friends and family
3. visit my parents, sister, nephews, and grandmother more regularly
4. write every day
5. learn to make a pumpkin roll
6. learn to make beef bourguignon, julia child style
7. instead of trying to make new friends, improve and deepen the relationships i have now. become more open and transparent. let down the walls
8. keep running! sign up for another race in the spring
9. do something nice for somebody every day
10. actually open my bible and read it. get a study bible. learn the greek and hebrew translations, and learn things for myself instead of relying on what i read in books or what pastors say
11. get a tatoo...something meaningful. something "me"
12. give control of my deepest longings to God; stop stressing out about them
13. date night. out. at least once a month
14. watch less tv...read more
15. spend time outside every day that is sunshiney!
16. live with purpose. instead of worrying that i don't know what my purpose is, treat every action like it is my purpose.
17. be optimistic
18. read a nonfiction book every month. yes it will be hard. you can perservere! learn something:)
19. be the person who drops everything for a friend
20. don't be jealous of others; be thankful for my blessings and my life
2010 was huge for me. i got two unusual stamps on my passport (haiti, south africa). i lived near the poorest of the poor, and learned how blessed i am, and learned how incredibly selfish i am. i graduated college, finally! i ran (sucessfully) a half-marathon, even though i don't consider myself i runner whatsoever. although maybe now i am:)
but now i feel a little let down. there are no more things for me to do or accomplish. there is no moving up in my career, and i am mostly happy where i am vocationally. the only thing that would make me happier would be cooking instead of doing surgery all day. but basically, i have no more big goals! it's the first time in my life that i've been in the particular spot. maybe it's because i'm (nearly) getting close to 30, and i'm finally good with who i am and where i am in life.
so back to the new approach. i'm going to create little goals to work on continuously. to better myself and improve my outlook on life. to make me a better wife, friend, sister, and daughter.
TAKE 1
1. cook, at least once a week, something delicious, and healthy, and new
2. spend more time eating with friends and family
3. visit my parents, sister, nephews, and grandmother more regularly
4. write every day
5. learn to make a pumpkin roll
6. learn to make beef bourguignon, julia child style
7. instead of trying to make new friends, improve and deepen the relationships i have now. become more open and transparent. let down the walls
8. keep running! sign up for another race in the spring
9. do something nice for somebody every day
10. actually open my bible and read it. get a study bible. learn the greek and hebrew translations, and learn things for myself instead of relying on what i read in books or what pastors say
11. get a tatoo...something meaningful. something "me"
12. give control of my deepest longings to God; stop stressing out about them
13. date night. out. at least once a month
14. watch less tv...read more
15. spend time outside every day that is sunshiney!
16. live with purpose. instead of worrying that i don't know what my purpose is, treat every action like it is my purpose.
17. be optimistic
18. read a nonfiction book every month. yes it will be hard. you can perservere! learn something:)
19. be the person who drops everything for a friend
20. don't be jealous of others; be thankful for my blessings and my life
10.10.2010
a gift, two ways
this weekend was a dear friends' birthday. i love birthdays, so whether or not she was excited, i was excited for her! i love any reason to celebrate, whether it be a hurdle avoided (or dealt with), a surprise, or something that one cannot control (like a birthday). there are many people who despise, dread, and hide from their birthdays; not me! i'm not gonna lie...i love cake, and presents, and one day of attention. therefore, i think everyone else deserves that joy of a simple celebration!
life got in the way a little bit, this weekend. i had call. a lot of call. didn't work too much, but still....the dread of it hung over me like a black storm cloud. i had responsibilities. grocery shopping, cleaning (that didn't really get done until after everything this weekend...i'm the queen of procrastination!), my niece's birthday party, shopping for my niece's birthday party, going on an impromptu, VERY much needed date with my husband, did i mention i was on call?, working (because i was on call), and then finally the birthday was almost over. i found what i thought was the perfect gift, and resisted the temptation to make cupcakes because she wanted meat, and made pepperoni and cheese bread instead, and THEN got called in. the birthday, for me, was ruined.
by the time i got home from work, i was tired, and really just didn't want to go anywhere. it was pretty late (the yankees game had just started), and it was dark, and i was tired, and i was hungry, and my house still smelled like pepperoni pizza. somehow, matt didn't eat it before i got home. i would have killed him:)
but, in honor of birthdays everywhere, and the opportunity to make someone smile, i bundled up my gifts and drove. and it turns out, it made her day. and we got to hang out with luci. and watch the yankees with crazy people. and LAUGH, so much. so much my sides still hurt a little today.
so here's to giving a gift, and trying to make someone smile, and getting blessed so much more in return. here's to friendship, and here's to luci's messy box, and finally to meat bread.
life got in the way a little bit, this weekend. i had call. a lot of call. didn't work too much, but still....the dread of it hung over me like a black storm cloud. i had responsibilities. grocery shopping, cleaning (that didn't really get done until after everything this weekend...i'm the queen of procrastination!), my niece's birthday party, shopping for my niece's birthday party, going on an impromptu, VERY much needed date with my husband, did i mention i was on call?, working (because i was on call), and then finally the birthday was almost over. i found what i thought was the perfect gift, and resisted the temptation to make cupcakes because she wanted meat, and made pepperoni and cheese bread instead, and THEN got called in. the birthday, for me, was ruined.
by the time i got home from work, i was tired, and really just didn't want to go anywhere. it was pretty late (the yankees game had just started), and it was dark, and i was tired, and i was hungry, and my house still smelled like pepperoni pizza. somehow, matt didn't eat it before i got home. i would have killed him:)
but, in honor of birthdays everywhere, and the opportunity to make someone smile, i bundled up my gifts and drove. and it turns out, it made her day. and we got to hang out with luci. and watch the yankees with crazy people. and LAUGH, so much. so much my sides still hurt a little today.
so here's to giving a gift, and trying to make someone smile, and getting blessed so much more in return. here's to friendship, and here's to luci's messy box, and finally to meat bread.
10.04.2010
rainy day bliss
i've decided that my favorite movies are independent movies. they are quality, lacking in drama and special effects, meaning that there is an actual story to them. you just can't find that anymore in mainstream movies. here is a list of my favorites:
1. gigantic
3. once
4. ondine
5. hotel rwanda
8. waitress
9. juno
10. the visitor
check them out if you haven't; they are incredible.
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